HUNTING THE UNCONSCIOUS
When first hearing of mindbody syndromes, like TMS, we begin to also hear of the role that the unconscious plays in the manifestations of symptoms. It can be pretty confusing. A lot of people who are suffering from symptoms will say that they know they have emotional issues. They know they are angry, sad, agitated and that if their symptoms were being caused by repressed emotions then how come they can still feel all these emotions and yet still be suffering from symptoms. Others claim that they aren’t really emotionally upset. They claim this because they truly are having a hard time feeling what it is they might be unconsciously generating. Also the symptom(s) they are dealing with are creating more emotional stress on top of whatever the root causes of the symptom(s) may be. There may be such a disconnect from the conscious mind and the unconscious mind that one may be aware of little emotion they are feeling. The conscious, thinking mind, is totally unaware of the strong feelings and yet the emotions are being reflected in the body as a symptom. In fact the conscious mind is so detached from the emotions and it is likely the person is experiencing the emotion and labeling the sensation as physical pain. As for the person already feeling emotionally unstable they may be unaware of the true cause of their emotions and thus still repressing a big part. During the process of healing from mindbody divides and symptoms you will hear of how repressed unconscious emotions are responsible for the pain and symptoms that one is feeling. This concept can feel like understanding a phantom. Because the emotions are unconscious, they slip under the awareness of our conscious mind and thus we do not feel them. Because they are not felt, we continue to create more unknowingly all the time, and those emotions begin to back the body up, create stagnation, and generate even more of the same.
I want you right now to picture in your mind that you are walking down a dark path at night. The path is narrow and on each side of it there are tall trees and thick bushes. You can only see a few feet ahead of you because the head lamp you are wearing is starting to fade. The batteries are dying and you know they probably only have a few minuets left before you will have to trek through the dark to get back to your campsite. There is an urgency that starts to build within you, because having to navigate in the dark forest is not something that you planned on or are wanting to have to do. Suddenly the head lamp goes out, and there is nothing but blackness all around. It feels as if you are in the void. The darkness is so deep that you begin to loose your equilibrium a little, and tilt over to your left. You put your next step down to try and balance yourself but your centre of gravity is already off. A few scattered running steps take place in a last effort to right yourself, but they are in vein. You fall and brace yourself to hit the ground but there is no ground to hit. You fall through and down until you impact something that does not feel like solid earth. Whatever has stopped your fall, and you are lying on, is moving. You can feel movement all around you, overtop of you and even underneath you. Theres is a sound too, a hissing that strikes with a visceral immediacy some deep reaction in your brain. Then your headlamp turns on faintly as the battery gives one more last blast of juice. You are surrounded by snakes.
Now if you read the above story with even a little imagination and involvement you probably had some kind of reaction. The THOUGHT of experiencing something like that creates a reaction and an EMOTION inside if you. For everyone it may be different. Chances are if you pay keen attention to what that reaction or emotion feels like it will have a real quality in your body. What does it feel like? Do your muscles slightly tense? Feel the creepy crawlies? Maybe your heartbeat quickened a little? You are conscious of the reaction and emotion and also conscious of the experience that caused the reaction/emotion. Now lets say you are experiencing physical pain from TMS in your body. The pain is felt as physical, but it is emotional. In fact the two experiences are created in the same area of the brain. The only difference between the emotional response from the pit of snakes and the pain you are feeling in your body is that you are unconscious of the experience and cause of the pain. The cause of your emotional reaction is unconscious and thus you keep yourself in the pit because you do not realize you are creating the experience of it. Then it is a mystery to your conscious mind why there is pain. Imagine the reaction from being in that pit over a long period of time. The same quickening of the heart, or creepy crawlies felt on the skin would evolve into something more dramatic and chronic, but still you would have an experience to attribute those somatic symptoms to. When emotions and the thoughts/beliefs are unconscious they can be repressed, and thus you may be experiencing the symptoms of an experience you are not even conscious you are having over and over again. It is here that one has to hunt unconscious to become conscious of the experience causing the emotions and body to react.
I use the term ‘hunt’ to represent the awareness state that we must cultivate when we begin to unravel the emotional inertia that causes symptoms. In the state of hunting one is alert, aware, present and engaged with all of the elements of the environment. There is no fear, because there is no room for fear. On the hunt, your life depends on how focused your attention and presence is. Lets picture a Jaguar hunting in the jungle. As the powerful cat walks through the jungle hunting, all of its senses are tuned it, and yet it does not get distracted by detecting anything that doesn’t have relevance to his hunt. He may see and hear and feel many things. The jungle after all is full of noises and innumerable quality, but he is only concerned with what he is hunting. Every muscle and nerve is working precisely and in the moment creating a one pointed focus that gives the Jaguar a burning presence. He is aware of every smell, breeze and sound that echoes through the trees. He must be this present and aware because his life depends on it.
It is the same for us when we hunt the emotions, thoughts and beliefs that have been pushed outside of our awareness. We have to shift our attention to perceive what lies just outside of our consciousness. This takes some skill, practice and most of all will. When you notice a symptom starting to take your attention you use your will and presence to focus on the true cause. The symptom may be a physical pain, or the combination of anxiety and emotional pain caused from something like acne, a rash, or whatever has decided to manifest. Some thoughts happen at a speed our normal awareness isn’t tuned to. We can tell the body believes them because of the reaction felt in the body. The thought is what we are hunting, so we can pull our belief from it. A thought by itself is just a thought, but tied with an emotional belief a thought can create a reality and an experience which can then generate more thoughts and more emotions and if we are not aware of our emotional body in the first place, this can cause the experience of physical pain. This gathering momentum of negative thought and emotion is what Eckart Tolle refers as a pain body. If one is aware of the emotional pain they are going through it may be just a matter of become the presence that witnesses the phenomena and not give any more energy to it by reacting. Sometimes, however, in the case of repressed, unconscious emotions the whole process in beyond the conscious mind and a physical symptom is the only symbol of what is taking place. Forget the symptom and step into the presence of a hunter to observe what is happening. What situation or condition is in front of you? Did someone say something that may have triggered anger? Is there a thought or belief that may be so subtle and unconscious that it has completely passed by your awareness? Is there something that a part of you does not want to feel? Perhaps the self image that you have is so strong that it denies even your true emotions. The body however does not lie, it only reflects. There may be a tendency to reach outside of oneself for relief of discomfort. A pain killer, food, alcohol or some other distraction. Resist that, and know that if you really have the will to unravel the unconscious process causing the symptom it is in these moments where you must hunt. Let all the other phenomena in the jungle of the mind go. The symptom is a distraction to what you are hunting, you are hunting for what the symptom is hiding. Hunt and examine all of the thoughts that are creating their own momentum of pain and emotional volatility, be the presence that sees that, and dismantle it all.
What you have to hunt with your will, presence and perhaps journal is the unconscious experience, thought/belief that your body is reacting to over and over again and has happened so much that it is overloaded and experiencing pain in whatever form.
Like Don Miguel Ruiz says we must become hunters of the parasite in the mind. We must become hunters of our thoughts and beliefs to free ourselves. The power of these words and the truth they express can be seen in true application with people dealing with TMS. You must hunt not only the thoughts and beliefs you are conscious of, but those that lie outside of your awareness. You know they are there because you can see and feel your body reacting to them. Reacting with pain, with emotion and discomfort and with a symptom. Be the hunter that witnesses and chooses to end the suffering. At first it may feel like an uphill battle. But be strong and know that others before you have been where you are and have freed themselves from the same illusion of the pain you may be feeling. The skills that you are building while hunting your negative unconscious thoughts and beliefs will remain with you and provide you with a power most are blind to. This power will remain with you for your whole life, and in some ways you will be grateful for what the pain taught you. Freedom is here and now.
Happy Hunting.